Monday, April 4, 2011

What hurts the most..

It's a heartbreaking day as an old boyfriend/renewed friend of mine has passed away. Matthew Mark Morgan. We had a tumultuous relationship in high school, mixing about as well as oil & water..but it was high is what it is. But after we parted ways, we gradually became friends again several years later. The last time I saw him was 2008 around our 5 yr high school reunion. It was fun catching up on old times and rehashing the past as friends finally. But then we lost touch again after that, only to reunite once again on...what else....Facebook. He found me just about 2 months ago and we'd chatted on there a couple times and told me how good he was doing, finally getting his life on track and all. I was really proud of him because I'd known he'd had some difficulties the couple years prior. And he was just telling me happy birthday last week, and congratulations on getting engaged and how much I deserved the happiness I had...etc. It was nice to be in touch in a friendly and sometimes sarcastic manner, as was a majority of his personality.

But then while I was at work today I got a call from my friend telling me Matt was found dead in his bed yesterday morning. I was shocked. I just couldn't believe what he was saying and that it could be true. There are no details yet on how it's just terrible to know he's gone. It was only 2-3 weeks ago that I found out at work that my cousin had been in a car accident that took him from us as well. It's hard to explain..but I'm just...sad.

It's hard when anyone dies obviously, let alone someone you know and someone so young. Matt was only 25 years old. Even though we hadn't been as close over the past few years, it's still someone from my past who had a good heart and was too young to die. So I think it didn't really sink in all the way today until I got off work, because on my drive home I had an hour's worth of time to think and that's when the memories flowed in and the tears close behind. When I got home my fiance was thankfully waiting for me to just hug me and listen while I cried. I've just been kind of in a daze tonight. I just can't believe it. I keep remembering his sarcastic voice, his silly imitation of Forrest Gump and Lieutenant Dan, or his goofy pronunciation of Uncle BUCK. I just know he had so much more life in him and an eagerness to live it that I think that's what makes it most sad.

So since I'm just sad tonight going off and on in phases of tears, upset, somewhat anger, and heartbreak, I thought I'd vent on here. Sorry for the sad post tonight but it's what I'm feeling and needed to get it out. I don't know how to explain how it feels, that someone that was a part of my life that I dated and had a close relationship with, that person who also knew that phase and time, is gone. I know there's no way to understand death, so I'm just going to end it there. Thanks for reading and if you knew him, you can find his Guest Book at the following link: Matthew Morgan Guest Book.

Sincerely, Brit

PS - I don't know why, but this video/song popped into my head earlier and I used to love this song and think the video is so moving:


AAPK said...

I'm sorry about both your losses. I def understand the heartbreak but no one can understand or feel your pain and loss. It's so easy to be angry and lord knows I've had my share of those feelings lately. Please feel free to call me if you just want to talk or anything. Love ya girlie!

Rhonda said...

I am so sorry to hear about Matt. It is so senseless when someone dies so young. It's hard when you have had a close history with the person as well. I will be praying for you. Hang in there. Let the tears's all a part of the healing.

Victoria Rose said...

I just happened to glance at your blog on 20sb & this post hit me. Losing loved ones is always hard & it is so good that you have such a great support (fiance) by your side! Keep your head up doll!!

Brittany Nicole said...

Thanks BFF AK-love ya too girl!

And thank you Rhonda. It was definitely a rough week of upset off and on. It's just still hard to believe. But I'm making my peace with it. Thank for your comment.

Victoria: Thank you for your message and supportive words. Much appreciated!